my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
