I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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