There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
