i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize