My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
