I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Still dying that you shit outside
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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