he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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