also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
