Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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