Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
