Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I enjoy the company of your penis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
