Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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