I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
