I swear she didn't look like that last week.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
