So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
