im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize