He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
