he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
