If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
