Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
