shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Terrible idea I love it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All I want is dick and wine.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize