Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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