Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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