I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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