i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
