I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
