You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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