my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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