he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
