I wannas sexs uuuuu
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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