Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
