im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
