hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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