Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
