I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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