better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
