after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
