He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
