my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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