dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
