How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
