what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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