FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
