Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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