I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
