i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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