I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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