I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
