Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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