please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Someone came in the potted fern
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
