I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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