Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
