it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
