You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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