Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
