i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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