my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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