clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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