So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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