Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
