how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
