making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
