Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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